THE OFFICIAL LYRICS OF


Bits of Me

1) THIS IS THE ALBUM YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
You’ve been waiting for this moment for so long
Mmm-ahh
Thought it might never come, but you were so wrong, so wrong
‘Cause now I’m here, the time is nigh, so let’s light up a brental-high
I said are you ready?
‘Said are you ready?
Well get ready!
I’m not sure that you’re ready! ‘Cause...

This is the album you’ve been waiting for!
This is the album you’ve been waiting for!
This is the album you’ve been waiting f
or!
This is the one you’ve been waiting for!

Himminah, shimminah, fimminah!

You’ve had a special thought before, I know ‘cause I felt it
Looking in the mirror you said “my face needs to be melted”
So I shall melt with grace and ease
Your face like bubbling pizza cheese! 
Are you ready?
‘Said are you ready?
I think you might be ready!
Okay, now you’re ready!

‘Cause
This is the album you’ve been waiting for!
This is the album you’ve been waiting for!
This is the album you’ve been waiting for!
This is the one you’ve been waiting for!

I wanna rock you in half
Ohhh, and make you feel alright!
I wanna make you laugh
Ohhh, and tonight’s the night!
Tonight’s the…
KEY CHANGE MOFO,
READY SET AND HERE WE GO!

This is the album you’ve been waiting for...yeah-eah!
This is the one!
This is the one!
This is the one you’ve been waiting for!
Yeah, yeah, yeah... here we go!



2) MEGA MAN 2 TITLE THEME WITH LYRICS, FEATURING YEAR 200X
Where's Mega Man?
Where's Mega Man?
The Mega poo just hit the fan

It's 200X, and Wily's escaped and built 8 more evil bots
Where's that guy I know with balls like a rhino, oh where?
If I had to guess, well I'd say on the roof,
Let's pan straight up in search of proof
Perhaps he is there, and flaunting his hair?

One two three four!
Mega de-Mega de-Mega Man, He's up on the effin' roof
He's mega!
Mega de-Mega de-Mega de-Man, heroic and aloof
(Dooba dobbah dooba dobbah!)
Mega de-Mega de-Mega man
Now backwards you would say
Man Mega!
Mega de-Mega de-Mega Man
Hell save the effin' day!

8 more robot masters, Mega Man is STRONGER/FASTER
For Metal Man and Air Man, use the arm cannon blaster
Air on Crash, Metal on Flash, Metal on Bubble, Bubble on Heat, Heat on Wood
Finally Quickman he's sort of a dick man, use Crash Bombs and you're good
Mega de-Mega de-Mega man
Nintendo got it right...
Not Sega!

Mega de-Mega de-Mega man
Blue and Cyan
Likes Chopin
And Rodin
Mega Man!
Mega Man!

3) BANJO-KAZOOIE WITH LYRICS
Knock on the screen,
Giggle with glee
Ban-jo Ka-zoo-ie!
A one-two-three-fo!

He's a bear who wears a necklace, 
Sorta sweet and sorta reckless,
Wears a bag and doesn't hide it, keeps a little bird inside it
Banjo-Kazooie! Banjo-Kazooie!

Here's a witch they call Gruntilda, strong resemblance to Broomhilda
Kidnaps Banjo's sister Tootie with a plan to steal her beauty!
I want to play Banjo-Kazooie!

This is Kazooie, she can talk with bird words, this little backpack's full of her bird turds
Banjo-Kazooie! Banjo Banjo Banjo and Kazooie!

This guy is Mumbo, he can make you big or little,
From what I hear, he plays the xylophone and fiddle
Play that fiddle, play that fiddle,
I could go for a McGriddle!

Here we got a bird with small-but-smart legs,
Kinda funny how she coughs and farts eggs,
Both of her holes have eggs comin' out, that can't be healthy!

Play that fuckin' fiddle, Mumbo, Play that fuckin' fiddle, Mumbo,
Banjo-Kazooie! Banjo-Kazooie!
Play that fuckin' fiddle, Mumbo, Play that fuckin' fiddle, Mumbo,
I want to play Banjo-Kazooie!

Fight with a carrot, kick it with a turtle choir,
Banjo's a bear with questionable day attire
Is she a parrot? My brain is on fire!
Banjo-Kazooie! 

Oooh-de-lally
Banjo-Kazooie, what a fuckin' game!


4) MEGA MAN 3 GAME OVER WITH LYRICS
That was fun, but now you're done
You're outta luck because you suck
You're not quite as good as everyone else who plays it
Don't continue, just give in you silly boob, ya fuckin' noob
Just turn of the power and cry yourself to sleep, you pussy

You will never get ahead, you might be better off as dead
And nobody in the whole world would ever miss you!
Everybody's talking smack, insulting you behind your back,
About how you're such a pathetic excuse for life

So grab a knife and take a stab, you handicapped vagina scab
You honestly make me sick and I want to kick you,
How'd you even learn to walk you wrinkly little poodle cock?
If I was your mother I'd drown your ass in boiling water!

You're a sack of putrid shit,
Dig a hole! Jump in it!
You really don't deserve to be left alive, 
So hold your breath until you're blue,
Fuck your mom, and sister too!
Your family and friends will all die because of what you've done today!
...game over.

5) THE 2-2 BLUES
Mmm-hmmm...
I float towards you, it's deep and its blue
Sink or swim, baby don't go lovin' him
Wait for me, I'll come and set you free
But until then, I'll keep on swimmin' in the sea

Now baby I swim all day, fish in my way
My baby, my little Peach
Well she's always just out of reach
But wait for me, baby I'm comin', comin' to set you free
But until then, I'll keep on swimmin' in the sea

Now, every man needs a princess
A woman to call his own
But after looking high and low in this kingdom
I still go to bed alone

And I promise, now baby I promise you
You're worth every bit of the hassle
But every time I think I've found you, baby girl
You're in someone else's castle
 
...why you do this to me, baby?

I'm diving down, tryin' not to drown
I know it seems my quest is just a pipe dream
But wait and see, there's a prince for you, and its-a-me
But until then, I'll keep on swimmin' in the sea

6) CONTRA WITH LYRICS FEATURING THE KONAMI KODE
What if Contra... had lyrics? (Mothafucka!)
Ohmigod I fell into a jungle and it's scary gotta run (Gotta run gotta get)
Red letters with wings! (They can fly, they are letters and can fly!)
They're full of weapons and things (Laser gun, flamethrower marshmallow gun?)

S is what I shall use! (Spread gun, spread gun muthafucka!)
R just makes me confused (it stands for rarely helpful)

I shoot tomatoes in all directions, fuckers!
But I still need some added protection!

This game is as hard as I am for Bjork (Fuck yeah dress up like a swan baby)
Harder than Jimmy Buffet is for margaritas (Woo-hoo!)
No I don't wanna play, it's too hard and I feel like a dork (One hit, that's it? Bullshit!)
This code gives you thirty lives, thanks Wikipedia!

Two up two down, left right left right, B A (Start!)
Two up two down, left right left right, B A (Start!)
Two up two down, left right left right, B A (Start!)
That is the code, help me sing it again, y'all

Two up two down, left right left right, B A (Start!)
Two up two down, left right left right, B A (Start!)
Two up two down, left right left right, B A (Start!)
That is the Konami Code!

And now I've got a good chance to do a victory dance
I gotta shoot at these angry defensive linemen
RATTA TATTA BANGA TAKE A BULLET IN YOUR DANGALANGA--BAM!

Back to the chorus, un, deux, trois!

Two up two down, left right left right, B A start
Two up two down, left right left right, B A start
Two up two down, left right left right, B A start
That is the code, help me sing it again y'all

Two up two down, left right left right, B A start
Two up two down, left right left right, B A start
Two up two down, left right left right, B A start
That is the Konami Cod
e!
I had to cheat, but I fin'lly beat Contra!

7) SUPER MARIO BROS. 3 WITH LYRICS 

BRENT:
Mario is back, but now with many more clothes to wear
The Frog Suit, Hammer Bros. Suit, and some kind of magic bear!
This game warped my tender brain and now I know why:
The sun comes down from the sky,
if you touch turtles, you die,
and even raccoons can fly when "P" is high!

MATT VEE:
My, my, my!

BRENT:
The Koopa Kids were brand new,
You could live in a shoe,
And then everything grew, 
Yeah that shit got me delirious,
I first saw the game in a film I won't name,
a movie on which I blame my expectations of the Power Glove
(It's so bad) He was serious!

Grab your spare controller, let's play Mario 3!

MATT VEE:
As long as I am player one, which means that you're player two!

BRENT:
Luigi.
Let's stay up all night and play the whole game again!

MATT VEE:
I have to wake up at eight to work a job that I hate,
it's harder staying up late when you're grown men

BRENT:
Let's drink some beer and then pass out!

MATT VEE:
Word.

8) FINAL FANTASY VI WITH BEERICS
In my other pants, there's a wallet (There's a wallet, mothafucka)
In my other pants, there's a secret 
In my other pants, there's a Trojan (Just like that one video I made)
Extra small, extra small (Don't tell your mom)

I'm not wearing pants, only boxers (So sexy, so sexy)
They're my favorite pair, they've got monkeys (I've got monkeys on my junkies)
Hangin' out the front... another secret. It's my ball (Only one).
Just one ball.

At a party now, there's a girl there
She's got cellulite on her forehead (that's gross)
Will I ever find her attractive? (Yes) 
How?
Alcohol!
Said alcohol!

Come on now,
Beer, yummy beer!
Beer, delicious beer!
Espers and moogles and a crazy clown man in a game that I hold dear
FF6 and a beer... and... me.



9) SUPER MARIO BROS. 2 ENDING CREDITS WITH LYRICS
You beat the game, yeah dude, you were supreme, but
I hate to inform you it was all just a dream (yes, really)
You stayed up late, you played until your thumbs bled
But it was all just made up in homeboy's head

Was Mega Man 2 all a dream? (No)
A Boy and his Blob all a dream? (No)
We won't get back all the hours we played,
Now we feel empty and betrayed (Ouch, my feelings)

There was no password, and no stage select,
Just a couple of warps and two continues protected us
We had to work to make this cartridge our bitch, but we fell into the classic "bait and switch"
(Errugh)

Was Mario 1 all a dream? (No)
Mario 3 all a dream? (No)
Mario 2's the black sheep of the bunch,
How can that be? I have a hunch (Doki-Doki Panic)

Mario 2, you're enjoyable, yes,
You're both grueling and fun, you put us kids to the test (for sure)
But the game ends on such a cop-outty note, 
Whoever's idea that was can lick my scrote (lick it)

Lickedy-lick on my scrote (la la la la la la la)
Lickedy-lick on my scrote [unintelligible noises]

La la la la, la la la, la la la...
Lickedy-lick upon my scrote...

Lick... my... scrote!



10) STAR FOX: SPACE ODDITY
GROUND CONTROL:
Ground Control to Fox McCloud...
Ground Control to Fox McCloud...
Sure, your dad is dead but prob'ly he'd be proud.
Ground Control to Fox McCloud...
Ground Control to Fox McCloud...
Commencing launch, I'll count aloud
Don't forget that fancy scarf you like to wear...

ROB 64:
Good luck!

[FOX's liftoff fever dream]


PEPPY:
This is Peppy Hare to Fox McCloud,
Now do a barrel roll!

FOX:
I know.

PEPPY
Try a somersault and use the boost to get through!

FOX:
I know!

PEPPY:
Your dead father used to help me like that too!

FOX:
Do we have to bring dad up every frickin' day?

FALCO:
Falco to McCloud, come in McCloud,

FOX:
Huh boy...

FALCO:
You're such a waste of space...

FOX:
Yeah, till you're in trouble.

FALCO:
I can't shake this guy, no matter what I do...
Gee, I guess I should be thankful, well fuck you!

FOX:
No Falco,
fuck you!

SLIPPY:
This is Slippy Toad to Fox McCloud!
A bogey's on my tail!
Get this guy off me, please please, come on I'm dyin'!

FALCO:
You're an Arwing engineer who sucks at flyin'?

SLIPPY:
Hey!

PEPPY:
He's right though Slippy, you suck balls.

FOX:
This is Fox McCloud to Star Fox Team:
Hey Falco, you're a douche!
And please Peppy, for the love of god retire!
As for Slippy, will you please die in a fire?
Immediately!

PEPPY/SLIPPY/FALCO:
Star Fox team to Fox McCloud, your circuit's dead, connection down,
Can you hear me, Fox McCloud?

FOX:
Yes.

PEPPY/SLIPPY/FALCO:
Can you hear me, Fox McCloud?

FOX:
Yes!

PEPPY/SLIPPY/FALCO:
Can you hear me, Fox McCloud?
Can you heeeere... is a very angry fox man
Far above the world...

FOX:
Corneria is blue and here lately I am too...

PEPPY:
Star Fox!

FALCO:
Star Fox!

PEPPY:
Slippy, get back here!
Stop suckin' so much balls!
Try a U-turn!
Try a U-turn!
Try...

11) MEET ME IN THE DUNGEON, DEAR
Meet me in the dungeon, dear
Or wherever danger’s near
How I miss your little baby face
In my arms though, you’re out of place
How I love the thought of you in chains
Please get kidnapped again
Be my damsel, but be in distress, please let me have a second quest

I don’t want what I can clearly have
Hard to get though, honey, that’s the salve
Hide, disguise, or get turned into stone,
helpless and so all alone...
In my dreams, dear, is where you go best
So let me have a second quest

Now I admit that I’ve consented to a magical fairy fling
That Sheik and I experimented but it didn’t mean a thing
I promise I’ll be true my dear, I’m butter in your pan
Just as long as you’ve been captured or pig or a wizard or a bearded man, 

So think of me and sing a song
In a tower where you belong
I will fight a thousand men or more
Wedded bliss though would be a bore
Kiss me dear and say "Godspeed,"
Action adventure’s what I need!
Be my love-dove, [doves coo] just stay in your nest
Please let me have a second,
and third too if it beckoned,
Let me have a second
Quest!
Quest!

ZELDA:
Alright.

LINK:
You’re the best!

12) CASTLEVANIA II WITH LYRICS
Yeeeeeah!
Ha ha ha ha haaaah!
Dracula! I am back-u-la,
To lay the smackula!
Like Great-Grandpa Trevor 
Whippin' hearts, inhaling zombie farts,
I'll find your body parts so I can put you back together

I'll race all over the place and when I find your face,
I'm gonna slippa-slappa-smicka-smacka
Got your nose and I found your toes and your elbows and your tiny penis!
Oh my god it's so tiny, how'd you ever have sex with this thing?

Yeah, yeah!
Dracula, I will attack you brah, you'll be spectaculah, when I set you on fire
Drac appears every hundred years, but he'll cry bloody tears and wish he never was a vampire
I'll race all over the place when I find his face I'm gonna slippa-slappa-smick-a-smacka
I'll amass his balls o'brass and when I find his ass I'm gonna kick it
I'll race all over the place when I find your face... [Punch! Punch! Punch! Punch!]
Heya Drac, I gotcha in a sack, ya better watch your back
'cause I'm a vampire killa.
Ha ha ha ha, BAM!

13) THE TRUTH ABOUT TOAD
Have you met Toad?
He's Princess Peach's P.A.
Just between us, I think he's definitely gay
You may not agree, but listen close and you'll see
He's very likely to be a big gay
(Big gay)

He shops for shoes like Aretha Franklin in a big hat store
He's a Judy idolizer, with facial moisturizer galore
(Gay gay gay gay gay)

He loves ballet
And he owns The Golden Girls on DVD
He went to seminary, 
Link says he's a fairy for sure
(And Link knows his fairies)

On the other hand, he may just be metro
Plenty of guys are goin' that way, today-ay
And if he's gay, we still would like, 
Would like him anyway!

That's my friend Toad,
So yeah he's definitely gay
It's not his fault, they cultivated him that way
He swears that he's bi, we're pretty sure its a lie,
But either way a fungi, who says "haayy!"

14) MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH-OUT!! WITH LYRICS

BRENT:
I was five when I got Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Mike was tough!
Oh man, that guy could knock your lunch out
Then he went to jail

MIKE:
I went to jail!

BRENT:
His contract went upstream,
Nintendo still had a scheme with douchebaggy Mr. Dream!
(Oh nooooo)

Now, luckily, Punch-Out!! is back for the Wii!
WAIT! There's no Mike Tyson on the Wii-make?
Bullshit Cock!
So what's the point of havin' a remake?
That's a bunch of shit! 

Bald Bull I kind of like,
But just 'cause we look alike,
He's not half as cool as Mike!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Mike Tyson!

MIKE:
Yeeeah boyyy! Lend me your ears!
Six, seven, eight:
I'm Iron Mike, and I'll knock you into space!
I got more punch than Rihanna's face!

Because I float like an inner tube and swim like a scorpion,
I'll hit you so splendiforously, you'll need some morph-i-ene!
Ask me if I like to eat meat; I am carnivorous.
Ask me what kind of trees I like; I'd say coniferous.
Ask me how my attitude is; it is vociferous.
Don't believe the words that I say? Well then consider this:
I am ferocious, my word bank is copious,
In fact it's Supercalafragalistic-aladocious!
I'm Kid Dynamite, always trippin' fight-or-flight,
Cover up your ears, baby, I might try a bite,
I ain't crazy, the media filets me,
but now they know I rap like Ludicrous or Jay-Z.

That's a nice bike, brentalfloss. It's mine now. Weeee...

BRENT:
Whooooa,
Bike!
Tyson stole my bike!
That guy's name is Mike!
And he stole my bike! Nooooo!
Tyson stole... Tyson stole... stole my bike!

MIKE
I may be spastic, but I'm not made of plastic,
I'm a vicious fighter, but my feelings are elastic
So I'm not slapstick, I'm maj-as-tic, fuckin' fantastic
When I grab a chick and slap dick
But be careful with the chicks and the dicks,
One time I crossed the line and I got slapped with three-to-six!

I don't even get half the shit I spit, 
I'm not a dipstick,
I just have a wit that is cryptic.

RANDOM VOICE:
Punch-Out!!



16) BABY MARIO & PAPA YOSHI
YOSHI:

I just found this baby wrapped up outside my door
A tasty little snack for any dinosaur
But I just finished breakfast, I'm full up to my head
So I'll give him to Yellow instead

Ya know, he's sorta cute, the sweet little niblet,
He'll make a tasty stew
Don't wanna cook and serve up a kid, but hey, that's what Yoshis do

He's all alone without a friend, but he's takin' it on the chin,
Anyway, hey Yellow, I brought you some din-din!

YELLOW:
You brought me a baby?
How generous of you!
But I can't eat a bite, I've caught the Yoshi flu, a-choo!
Just pop him in your freezer, I'm sure he'll keep for weeks.
But wash him first 'cause he freakin' reeks!

YOSHI:
I'm almost sad to see the kid go now,
We've gotten sorta tight...
Also, his diaper's saggin' and whoa, now,
So is my appetite...

Maybe I'll keep him here as a pet and not eat him after all...
Come on my little baby, let's have us a ball!

[Instrumental break]

Take it home, baby!

By now you know the story that happened long ago
That little baby boy grew into Mario!
The moral of this fable is do not eat a baby,
'Cause he'll become your friend one day maybe.

Then again, Mario's twin brother is Luigi, so... maybe not.

17) ZELDA II WITH LYRICS
Link! You're on the alert again
So put on your skirt again!
Get ready to fight till it hurts
Have a nap, take a squirt, Begin!
Another adventure through the countryside!
Kicking some ass! Kicking some ass, Kicking some ass!
The baddies are on the rise since Ganon died
Stay off the grass! Stay on the road, get off the grass!

The yellow road is your priority, you're sorta like Dorothy... MAN UP!
You'll have to fight your shadow hand to hand...again, just like Peter Pan (HA)

There will be rats (radical rats!) with boomerangs
Link, is that your wang? Right there.

Hyrule is strange, every new game it changes,
the map rearranges and I don't know where to go
Zelda is comatose, maybe she overdosed,
by the way what happened to your bow? I can't find it...

Here we go now
Link you are patrolling, sidescrolling, and Ganon's trolling
Sure, this title's clunky and funky, but look, a monkey!

You must gain XP (In P bags) Like an RPG (Yes, P bags)
Still though, run away (la la la) From the KKK, what the fff—

Link! Go stab a statue so that you can heal your ass dude
Don't whine that it's harder, you martyr, now go walk on water!

Learn to thrust up and down, visit a tiny town,
This lady gives you care, what does she do in there?
You get an extra life from Zelda merchandise, now go forth,
Your adventure is nigh!
You shall go to Death Mountain, fly fly!
It's called Death Mountain 'cause you will DIE.
Why is this part so hard, Jesus WHY?
But not halfway as hard as the end
Just expect to get buttraped my friend
'Cause your shadow is set to attack
He knows all of your moves, plus he's black!
He might be Ganon's ghost but you have to persevere
(Believe me)
Or just use this here
(Game Genie)
Link you must prevail
(For Zelda)
Link you must not fail, now go!

(Drum-a-fill!)

So once again you've saved your countrymen from certain death
Your sleeping beauty is awake but watch out, morning breath
You will have more daring escapades, challenges along your way
Maybe you will learn to play the flute some other day...
But for now, look buddy you saved the world
Look buddy you got the girl!
You did really great! Celebrate, have a date, procreate,
Link you win!
YEAAH!!!

18) CLASSIC ENDING CREDITS WITH LYRICS
You beat the game, you're feelin' pretty cool, you stayed up all night and missed a day of school,
you played like a champ, so what do you "git"?
37 pounds of Jack shit.

Look at you kid, your thumbs are big and red, you smell like a taint,
your goldfish is dead, so here's your reward:
Excessive amounts of names you can't even pronounce!
We're talkin'...
TAKU HIKICHI & KEIICHI HARA
And MORIKAZU MARU MARU
PENPEN, BAN BAN, BUNBUN, TOM PON, AND FAW
ROAD ZAPPER AND NAKAZOO (Hai, domo arigato)

And after the creds, which took a fuckin' while, a crappy cartoon all pixelated style, no trophies today,
Achievements? no way! It's all for naught! For diddly-biddly squat, aaand

That's how it goes with classic games, cutscenes that blow and ricemobile names,
your hopes were so high, so much was in store, it's the end, but wait there's more,
another screen, another door, hey...

"Thank you for playing", well ain't that sweet, clearly our lives are now complete,
despite how it ends, you'll play it again, but for now my friend this is the end!

I love ya baby,
Try it on hard mode, this is the fuckin' end...

...Conglaturation!

I've never seen such finger speed, let's get a burger, it was a dream
We won't tell if Jason died, so
Stare at your brother's head in the sky
This is the fuggin', the sweet mother-huggin end!
Woh-yeah!
© 2015 brentalfloss productions. Header photos by AnneMarie Fitzgerald and Sam Heldman.