FLOSSOPHY
OFFICIAL LYRICS

1. INTRO TO FLOSSOPHY
HELLO! AND WELCOME TO THE BRENTALFLOSS SHOW
“BRENTALFLOSS,” THAT’S MY NAME
I LIKE TO BE SATIRICAL AND VERY OFTEN LYRICAL
WITH ALL YOUR FAVORITE TUNES FROM VIDEO GAMES
THE ALBUM’S NAME IS “FLOSSOPHY,” IT’S THE THIRD CD
IN MY TRILOGIE
I WANNA MAKE YOU LAUGH NOSTALGICALLY, YEAH
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
OH YEAH,
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
YOU BET,
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
YESSIR!
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
YES… MA’AM,
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
GO AHEAD.
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY.
OH WAIT, IT’S MY LINE!
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY.
I FEEL SO STUPID!
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
CAN WE START OVER?
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY
ALRIGHT, FORGET IT.
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY,
I’M STILL EMBARRASSED,
THAT’S MY FLOSSOPHY!
 
...COME ON, LET’S GO!
JUST PULL BACK THE CURTAINS AND ON WITH THE SHOW!
…WELL THAT COULD HAVE GONE BETTER.
 
2. EARTHBOUND WITH LYRICS
 
Vat eef zee Earzbound... haaad... lyrics?!
 
Here we go!
Gather ‘round, let’s play Earthbound
A game that’s sure to please!
It’s a sequel to some “mother” game which is all in Japanese
 
One night a glowing meteor comes down from outer space
There’s a kid named Ness, and wouldn-cha guess?
he’s gonna save the human race!
 
So he gives him mom a kiss,
and with a family like this, it’s no wonder that he goes it alone, no,
I mean, his little baby sis, she runs a courier service, and his father is a telephone
 
DAD: You’re stepping on my cord, son.
 
BRENT:
This title shines! It’s sharp and funny, yet creepy
With wacky lines, Like “Poo needs water for PP”
But hey, that’s Earthbound, That’s why I love it, so
If you don’t like it, Feel free to shove it           
 
Ness has a quest to fix the things that are wrong Americans
Like religious weirdos, mindless zombies and illegal aliens! Oh-OH,
 
A psychic girl, a science nerd, and a ninja join the crew
Taming animals by hitting them, ‘cause that’s what heroes do!
 
It’s a crazy universe where a rookie front desk nurse
can reanimate your slaughtered friends, oh,
Where you buy some farm-fresh eggs
and in five minutes they’ve got legs,
because now they’re frickin’ full grown hens!
Yeah, sing it chickens!
 
CHICKENS:
Bok bok bok bok,
BOK BOK BOK BOCKY-BOK BOK BOK,
 Bok bok bok bok,
BOK BOK BOK BOCKY-BOK BOK BOK,

BRENT:
And that is Earthbound, that’s why we love it, so
If you don’t like it, feel free to shove it
 
It’s goofy, but I don’t mind, cause that’s the kind of a great adventure you might find
In the heart of a child… going wild!
 
Let’s hit the ATM! (Money money money money)
I’ve got like 80 grand in the bank (Money money)
Cuz my dad’s never home, he’s a phone, sending cash to say sorry
 
DAD: Sorry, I’m a phone.
 
BRENT:
We coulda bought some stock.
(Bought some stock, bought some stock)
Or fed a THIRD world countrY (Save the children, save the children)
But we’re kids, so we choose to get stuff we can use to fight robots
Is that COOL OR WHAT?
 
They fight through winter snows
And lands of leisure
They get two things from foes:
Nightmares and seizures!
So now they’re forced to grind, Fights last forever!
Reach level ninety-nine… The end is nigh.
 
Have a cup of coffee, Suddenly it’s trippy
Telephone your mother, This is just another
av’rage boy-meets-girl Boy-meets-boy-meets-boy
Boy-becomes-a-robot story
Yeah.
 
Spoiler alert:
Four robotic friends hold fast, traveling into the past
They meet the source of evil there,
and best him through the powEr of prayer
 
Kinda rips off Final Fantasy 4,
but Earthbound’s still a game that we adore…
That we adore…Key change, mofo!
 
This game is strange, But it has charming and smart jokes
And it has range, including 2 or 3 fart jokes
And that’s my Earthbound That’s why I love it, so
If you don’t like it Feel free to shove it
Come on everybody…say “fuzzy pickles!”
Ya know what I love? Earthbound.
 
3. SUPER MARIO BROS: THE MUSICAL
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_uNht-52FY
 
MARIO:
There's an evil force spreading far and wide
'Cross this kingdom of pipes and fungus
We have seen the hell of each deadly turtle shell
But a hero resides among us
Not a tow'ring man, not a daunting knight
Still, a smart lionheart is he
Who is this noble demigod?
It's-a-me... it's-a-me.
 
There's a tyrant king with a reptile heart
And he's started a wave of crime now
From his ship high above he abducted my love
For the fourteenth or fifteenth time now
Who will stop this foe, who will save the day
Win this war, yes, victoriously
I'll give you just one guess, time's up
It's-a-me...it's-a-me.
 
I have hopped through his hordes, so much blood on my shoes
With a murderous battle cry: "hoo-hoo!"
I have burnt them alive with the fire from my hands
Every last one, I vow, shall die!
And I run underneath as the tyrant leaps
I'm unstoppable now as he fin'lly reaps his recompense:
Death by lava.
And I run down the hall for I cannot wait
I'm unstoppable now on a charge heading straight into the arms…
of my lovah
 
TOAD:
Thank you, Mario, but our Princess is in another castle.
 
MARIO:
Oh…
 
There's an anguished man with a forlorn face
For it's cold and the nights are lonely
He can look all around but his Princess can't be found
It's his fault and it's his fault only
He brought on this war with a cocky grin
Only now does he truly see
He hoisted this upon himself
Who is this Italian handyman elf?
Iiiiiit's-a-me.
 
4. THE TEAM FORTRESS 2 SONG
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbaGodU_Gkw
 
Open Steam, pick your class
Saddle up to kick some ass!
Yer multiplayer dreams come true
When you play Team Fortress 2!
 
Well, the heavy spins a mini gun
The scout cain't do much else but run
Side with RED or side with BLU
When you play Team Fortress 2!
 
Well, the Snipers and the Pyros might make you wanna ragequit
Make sure they ain't a spy though,
'cause spies are fUckin' bullshIT!
 
The Engineer can build cool stuff
And Demoman can blow it up
A helluva good time waits for you
Right inside Team Fortress 2!
 
If the soldier gets a decent shot, he'll knock you out yo' pants
And the heavy and the medic share a legendary bromance...
 
Work together as a team
Download douchey hats on Steam
The doors are openin' that's yer cue...
Time to play Team Fortress Two!
And that’s Team Fortress Two!
 
5. SUPER MARIO LAND WITH LYRICS (FEAT. DAVE BULMER)
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAtWQ_xn0kI
 
DAVE:
Clean, black and green
Hold it in your hand, this Mario Land
In 1989, this came down the pipeline
 
BRENT:
Yeah, Mario's back!
Out to save that crazy Princess Daisy
By now he's sick of this "princess fakeout" bullshit
Wee, creepy sprite...
Without Princess Peachy or Luigi
But he has superballs. Seriously, that's what they're called!
 
The quality dropped off like some kind of Mario knock-off,
It clearly showed man... since when did turtles explode man?
 
DAVE:
Oh Brent, come on, aren't you a little bit nostalgic for this thing?
Remember when it came out?
 
Way back in the day... all you had were three-frame LCD games
Our journeys had a lack of all but travel Scrabble packs
Yes, NES looked best, but to put this one next game in context:
It was a milestone year, handheld gaming started here!
 
The point I'm framing is that the state of portable gaming...
was still just larval, this was a technical marvel!
 
BRENT:
Yeah Dave, so was the cotton gin, but I wouldn't take it with me in the car!
 
DAVE:
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
 
BRENT:
Neither does this game!
 
DAVE:
Maybe, but Brent! Flying heads!
That displays a great imagination--
 
BRENT:
Ha, this game came, I presume, from an all-too-magic mushroom!
 
DAVE:
The gameplay--
 
BRENT:
Was lame!
 
DAVE:
Hey!
 
BRENT:
Look, I know how Mario should go, bro
This black sheep's really baa-aad!
You'll learn one day.
 
DAVE:
Oh, thanks, Dad!
...but how my heart skips for eight bits on holiday car trips
Feelings awoken!
 
BRENT:
Dave, buddy, what are you smokin'?
(And can I have some?)
 
DAVE:
Love! I'm smoking love!
I just think this game has earned a place on the shelf with the good Mario games,
which is all of them, except Sunshine, obviously...
 
BRENT:
Are you kidding? Sunshine's like the best one!
 
DAVE:
Whaaa--you're a wazzock.
 
BRENT:
What?
 
DAVE:
You're a pillock.
 
BRENT:
Come again?
 
DAVE:
You're a git.
 
BRENT:
Say what now?
 
DAVE:
You're a ... son of a taint?
 
BRENT:
Now you're talkin!
 
DAVE:
Key change, mofo?
 
BRENT:
You got it, here we go!
 
BOTH:
Flawed, maybe so...
Sure, it sucked a tad, but it's all we had!
 
DAVE:
It's got its charms and such
 
BRENT:
Alright, maybe... this much.
The look was lame!
 
DAVE:
Oi! It brought Mario to the Gameboy!
Such a trendsetter...
 
BOTH:
Either way, the sequel was better
Suuuuu-perrrrrr Mariooooooo Laaaaaaaand!
Doooo-doooo-dum!
 
DAVE:
Was great!
 
BRENT:
Sucks.
 
6. GAME LAUNCH ROCK! (FEAT. DODGER)
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rIJmGj4g-s
 
SIR GAMEBOY:
Back in the 90's when you bought a new system,
It was basically ready to go!
But those days are gone by, so buddy, don't be that guy
You wanna be the first in line, but I say no, no, no, no, no!
They won't have near enough games,
no matter how great they seem,
It takes at least a year or two before
they're runnin' full steam,
Yes it's a dirty little trick, so you gotta be staunch, kid:
Don't ever buy a console at launch,
I'm bein' serious!
Do not ever buy a console at launch!
 
THE KID:
But the video game companies promise all these great games and features within the first year!
 
SIR GAMEBOY:
Sure, just like presidential candidates.
They'll say anything to get your vote, the way game companies just want you to buy their console!
 
THE KID: Didn't you want a new Wii U?
 
SIR GAMEBOY: More like Pee-Yew!
 
THE KID: PS4?
 
SIR GAMEBOY: Oh, give me more!
 
THE KID: Xbox One?!
 
SIR GAMEBOY: Xbox done!
 
THE KID: Ouya?
 
SIR GAMEBOY: Uhh... what?
 
The OS'll be a mess, so you gotta be staunch,
Kid, don't ever buy a console at launch, now sing it with me
 
BOTH: Do not ever buy a console at launch!
 
SIR GAMEBOY: That's right!
And even if they release a picture perfect device,
You know that 6-to-12 months later they'll be droppin' the price!
Ain't that some crap? It's a trap, so you gotta be staunch, child,
Don't ever buy a console at launch
(Or Apple product)
But don't ever, never, never buy a modern
gaming console at launch,
Don't try it, don't you buy that console at launch!
Yeah!
 
 7. KEN’S THEME WITH LYRICS (FEAT. ON BEING HUMAN)
 
Ken! Baby, that’s my name
Cause I throw a hadoKEN, and then a shoryuKEN,
so put up your duKEN, or soon you’ll be puKEN’ (COME ON!)
 
I hate M. Bison’s stupid hat
I hate E. Honda ‘cause he’s fat
I wish that Blanka would just take his shorts to the laundromat
 
Let’s go destroy a stranger’s car
And fight Mike Tyson in a bar
Yeah, Dhalsim thinks he’s the best, that’s a bit of a stretch—har har!
 
Every Street Fighter needs a hot stud, don’tcha see?
Fighting games all need a sexy douchebag… and that’s me! YEEEEAHH!
 
Chun Li can do a spinning kick
Why not upon my big joystick
Her buns are WIN, but I’m even more INto that Vega chick (Hey baby)
 
Why doesn’t Ryu text me back?
How’d we get off on the wrong track?
So what if I show affection with kicks to the Juevo sack?
 
They say that Guiu-le’s music goes with everything, that’s bullshit!
He sucks and so does his stupid tune, “Duhhh, Sonic Boom”
YOU FACKIN DICKFACE!
 
When I throw Hadokens they say “You, Ken are the man”
Damn skippY!
yes I’m the man who breaks your face bones!
 
With all these dudes I’m like “POW, ZONK!”
With all these chicks I’m like “HONK, HONK!”
I’D gladly let Cammy win just to see dat badonkadonk
 
Zangief should shave his back, it’s true
You say Fei Long and I’m like WHO?
Hey, keep an eye out for Sagat, ‘cause he keeps one out for you!
 
Every Street Fighter needs a hot stud don’tcha see?
Fighting games all need a sexy douchebag… and that’s me!
Be right back I gotta go wash my hair and make it pretty!
it’s so beautiful.
 
8. CAVE STORY WITH LYRICS
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1emSWVcSu8s
 
Here we go!
Tell y'all a story 'bout a cave,
Story bout a robot rollin' with a whole lotta bravery
Meets bunny people in the cave,
the Doctor's got a whim to put the people into slavery
Err'body's stuck inside a cave
Can't escape the island, world's smallest violin (skeet-dee-dee)
So much is happening today,
Nobody is smilin', things are getting violent (hee-hee-hee)
Run! Grab a little gun! Level up! Damn it's fun!
Fight a bag (I'ma fight a freakin' bag),
Then brag (I just beat a freakin' bag, hahhh).
Save the Mimiga race, shoot some jerks in the face!
With Curly Brace by your side!
(If she didn't help you out, you woulda died, yo)
 
Ca-ave story, gra-ave story, sla-ave story, hey I'm talkin' bout a
Ca-ave story, sa-ave story, fa-ave story! Here we go!
 
Quote's poor brain's an empty page, but he's
Thrashin' every asshat in a little Ash hat (Lookalikes)
Flowers make the bunnies rage,
Now they're actin rash like a dirty Jersey trash sack (Snook-a-likes!)
 
Climb high into the sky, just don't leave with this guy
You will die (least a couple times you die)
But try (try again ya gotta try)
If you're a little sick, you'll find panties and lipstick!
But do it quick, there's no time. (Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!)
 
'Cause you gotta go, you gotta go, you gotta go, you gotta go down into the Cave now
You gotta go, you gotta, go you gotta go, you gotta go down into the cave now
Gotta put the doc in his place, hope you saved Curly brace 'cause alone it's a case of the blues,
so pack it all tight in your little inventory, get ready for the glory of CAVE STORY!
 
9. MARIO PAINT WITH LYRICS
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl5wZwgSHZg
 
When I was eight, dude...
I couldn't wait, dude...
To play this great new game called Mario Paint!
 
A title I wish every house had...
It came with a mouse and a mousepad!
(It was a big deal back then)
 
Artistic visions became decisions
No criticisms to work through
 
It tugs my heart strings
And that's just the start screen
Inside your art dreams await you
 
So make a bee
Make a Mii (Make a Mii)
Or make a symphony (arf meow meow meow meow)
Mario Paint, it ain't just quaint
it’s an art school with no rules except go with your gut
you can paint the sea or draw a butt
(or both…)
 
Select brush size, swat some flies,
and then you realize...
Other games are not the same
It's a canvas to brandish outlandish things all day
Where a nerdy kid was safe to play
 
We were Mario Paintin'
Sketching and animatin'
Were we throwing a ball?
Were we outside at all?
Nope.
We were Mario Paintin'
All across the whole nation
And a generation started looking into their heart
Creating pieces of art
 
What an outlet for a kid experimenting with choice
Finding his creative voice
 
So whenever I spout off with words like mofo or taint
You can thank Mario Paint
(Cha cha cha)
 
10. THE GAME OVER TINIES
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52MRy_RXJWU
A IS FOR AERITH, STABBED RIGHT THROUGH THE TUMMY
B IS FOR BOWSER, WHOSE BRIDGEWORK WAS CRUMMY
C IS FOR CRONO, OR WAS THAT HIS DOUBLE?
D IS FOR DHALSIM WHO HAD YOGA TROUBLE
E IS FOR ECCO, AND HE WAS DELICIOUS
F IS FOR FROGGER, WHO GOT TO AMBITIOUS
G IS FOR GANON, WHO GAINED TOO MUCH WEIGHT
H IS FOR HEAVY, WHOSE SANDVICH WAS BAIT
 
GAME OVER, GAME OVER, EVERYONE’S GAME ENDS EVENTUALLY
GAME OVER, GAME OVER, LET’S COUNT THE WAYS FROM A TO Z!
 
I IS FOR ICEMAN, WHOSE BEST FRIEND WAS HOT
J IS FOR JIM, WHOM THE EARLY BIRD CAUGHT
K IS FOR KIRBY, POPPED LIKE A BALLOON
L IS FOR LINK, WHO WAS CRUSHED BY THE MOON
M IS FOR MARIO, (FAULTY TRANSMISSION)
N IS FOR NAVI, WHY WOULDN’T THEY LISTEN?
O IS FOR OLD MAN, WHO NEEDED THAT SWORD,
P IS FOR PAC-MAN, WHOM BLINKY ADORED!
 
GAME OVER, GAME OVER, EVERYONE’S GAME ENDS EVENTUALLY
GAME OVER, GAME OVER, LET’S COUNT THE WAYS FROM A TO Z!
 
Q IS FOR Q-BERT, WHO FELL DOWN THE STAIRS
R IS FOR RAYMAN, SINCE NOBODY CARES
S IS FOR SONIC, WHO NEEDED SOME AIR
T IS FOR TAILS, WHO ALSO WAS THERE
U IS FOR ULTROS, DONE IN BY CHLORINE
V IS FOR VOLDO, WHOSE SHAVE WAS TOO CLEAN, BLUH!
W IS FOR WARIO, WITH TOO MANY WARES
X IS FOR X, ASSAULTED BY BEARS
Y IS FOR YOSHI, WHO HAD A BAD FRIEND,
Z IS FOR ZELDA, WHO WISHED FOR… THE END!
 
GAME OVER, GAME OVER, VIDEO GAMES HAVE THEIR OWN ABC’S!
GAME OVER, GAME OVER, NEXT TIME WON’T YOU SING WITH ME?
 
11. THE CHOCOBO SONG WITH LYRICS
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLvQYePzsyU
 
Drink to the proud and noble Chocobo
The only friend I know
Gets me where I need to go
 
Let's have a pint to this majestic beast
I'll ride 'er west and east
Until I'm quite deceased
 
Why ride a horse when you can ride Big Bird?
They're smart and they're and friendly and they only know one word (KWEH.)
 
Love and affection, boyo that's the key
they mean the world to me, and damn their meat is tasty!
 
Raise twenty glasses to my feathered belle
I think she likes her cell
It's frankly hard to tell
 
I treat her goodly even when she snores
It's hard to do her chores
With all the saddle sores
 
She's like a butler but she gets no pay
So please don't tell PETA or the ASPCA
 
I keep her addicted to the gysahl greens
That's why she cooks and cleans, my wing-ed little crack fiend
 
Whether they're black, white, yellow, big or small,
Let's drink to Chocobos, 'cause bloody hell I love 'em all!
 
12. ZIDANE TO VIVI

Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6EsgdphegU
 
The past few days, they got you down in a real dark place
But you can't save the world staring off into space
I know you're scared, and so am I
But sooner or later, sooner or later things die, Vivi
Yeah that's how it is...
 
Try not to think too hard, Vivi, sometimes you have to smile
Set the world down, come on, go out and play
Don't let it get you down, Vivi
It isn't worth your while, we all die someday
But forever's so far away, you're gonna be okay
 
You're all hung up on this existential stuff
But all that worrying, pal, when's it gonna be enough?
We're in the dark... that's how it goes...
But why sit and wonder when nobody really knows, kiddo?
Just go with the flow
 
Try not to think too hard, Vivi, sometimes you have to smile
Set the world down, come on, go out and play
Don't let it get you down, Vivi
It isn't worth your while, we all die someday
But forever's so far away...
 
So that's it? So now you're givin' in?
Well here's all I have to say:
You want a life? It's what you're livin in'
Just take it day by day
 
But if you decide to go nowhere fast
Terrified of your future, unsure of your past
Then you waste the here and now, and baby that's all that you got
 
You wanna think it's all bad, but I'm telling you it's not...
 
Try not to think too hard, Vivi, sometimes you have to smile
Set the world down, come on, go out and play
Don't let it get you down, Vivi
It isn't worth your while
We all die someday, but forever's so far away,
You're gonna be... you're gonna be...
you're gonna be... okay.
... okay?
 
13. 3DS STREETPASS WITH LYRICS
 
I was idly ambling by, ‘n passed you on the street
And then I saw a light so green and so bright
Like some minty treat!
 
And now I see your Mii in 2 or 3D
At the plaza gate
You’re on my 3DS oh my oh yes
Gosh, this is so great
 
Okay, it’s awkward now cause this here is how
Awkward people talk
And I’m already bored, but that’s my reward
For taking a walk
 
You tell me where you’re from, then say something dumb
In your stupid hat
You dream to be less fat and you like cats
Cool, glad I know that
 
And to whoever’s next I’ll write up some text
To my heart’s content
But since there’s only 16 letters it says:
Hi, my name is B—
 
So now I know your names
And I can play games
With your little Miis
 
And since I walk each day ‘cause I gotta play
I won’t be obese
So Streetpass me baby, and let’s get a puzzle piece!
 
14. TECMO BOWL WITH LYRICS (FEAT. NIKO TSAKALAKOS)
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFN4isNjpz8
 
NIKO:
BUT BRO, TECMO BOWL NUMBER ONE GAME OF ALL
AND THAT'S AN EASY CALL! IT'S THE SPORTS GAME PLAYED
BACK WHEN THEY FIRST WERE MADE, IT PAVED THE WAY FOR MADDEN
 
BRENT:
NIKO!
 
NIKO:
TECMO BOWL, POP IT ON YOUR TV
ONE GAME AND YOU WILL SEE
WHY FOR EVERYONE, TECMO IS SUPER FUN
COME ON, BRENT, THROW YOUR HAT IN! 
 
BRENT:
DUDE, I'M KINDA BAD AT SPORTS, NOT TO BE RUDE,
BUT I WOULD CLEARLY COME UP SHORT, SO...
 
NIKO:
TECMO BOWL, BACK WHEN I USED TO PLAY
I'D PLAY IT EVERY DAY
IN SUBURBIA, THERE'S-NOTHING TO DO SO, DUH:  
IT MAKES LIFE LESS PATHETIC.
 
TECMO BOWL, YOU GET TO STRATEGIZE
SEE THROUGH MONTANA'S EYES
AND THE BEST PART IS, YOU'D BE A TECMO WIZ                           
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ATHLETIC AT ALL 
 
BRENT:
PASS! I ACTUALLY NEEDED TUTORS FOR GYM CLASS
I'LL STICK TO RPGS AND SHOOTERS
 
NIKO:
COME ON DUDE, JUST ONE TRY!
 
BRENT:
THAT'S MINE!
 
NIKO:
COME ON, DON'T BE THAT GUY.
 
BRENT:
ALRIGHT, FINE!
 
NIKO: PICK THE TEAM YOU WANT TO BE...
        49'ERS, NATURALLY
        GETTIN' STARTED ISN'T SHAKESPEARE OR CHEKOV
        YOU SIMPLY WAIT FOR THE KICK-OFF
        AND THEN YOU'LL SEE...
 
BRENT:
NOW MY THOUGHTS FLASH BACK
TO EVERY TIME I GOT SACKED
EVERY (PUFFS INHALER) ASTHMA ATTACK
IN MY P.E. CLASS, I ONLY CAUGHT ONE PASS
THEN RAN TO MY OWN ENDZONE
FELT SO LAME
WEAK WAS MY MIDDLE NAME
IT WAS MY SECRET SHAME
CAN I UNDO THAT ALL WITH ONE STUPID GAME?
NO TIME TO THINK, HERE I GO...
 
NIKO:
SEE, I TOLD YOU YOU WOULD KICK ASS
EVEN THOUGH YOU SUCKED AT GYM CLASS 
 
BRENT:
I JUST MASHED THE BUTTONS!
 
NIKO:
YEAH BUT, YOU CAUGHT THE FREAKIN' PASS!
 
BOTH:
TECMO BOWL IS SUPER LEGIT
TECMO BOWL IS REALLY THE SHIT
 
BRENT: I JUST TOOK A CHANCE
 
BOTH: AND BOOM!
 
NIKO: AREN'T YOU GLAD
 
BOTH: THAT I/YOU DIDN'T QUIT!
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
 
TECMO BOWL MAKES KINGS OUT OF LOSERS!
TECMOBOWL- TECMOBOWL- TECMOBOWL- TECMOBOWL
I LOVE TECMO BOWL!
 
15. LUIGI’S MANSION WITH LYRICS

Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42RGs0fTck8
 
GHOSTS:
You've won a mansion, Luigi
Don't question it, it's legit; no bullshit.
It may be crumbling and creepy,
But much more space than the tiny place you split.
 
E. GADD:
Luigi, hello! Welcome to my hut!
I'm professor E. Gadd--stop scratching your butt.
This mansion appeared in a big puff of doom!
And it's dusty as shit, here: Take this vacuum.
 
Your brother gets a world, and a land, and a mouse,
He gets a GALAXY! You get a f**king house.
By the way, he's here, but he's feeling sad,
He's stuck in a painting, which is suddenly bad.
 
GHOSTS:
Come in and join us Luigi,
Maybe you'll make a new friend, a ghoul-friend!
Your pants may be full of pee-pee,
But once you're in here, the fun will never end.
 
E. GADD:
You get a launch title, make the most of out it!
Get a free mansion? Take the ghosts out of it!
I teach you to Ghostbust, it's easy enough
Just sucky-sucky-sucky, and clean up the white stuff.
The mansion isn't real, just go in and suck it up!
The money's real though, so Scrooge McDuck it up!
There's butlers and grannies and babies, so go!
And if you get scared, just yell "Mario!"
 
GHOSTS:
Are you fed up with this tune yet?
It is the one song you hear, yes one. ONE.
So though it grates at the onset,
It won't last long, seven hours and you're done.
 
LUIGI:
Can't I just be in Mario Sunshine?
 
MARIO:
NO!
 
16. INTROSPECTIVE BOUNTY HUNTER IN SPACE
 
17. ZELDA: A LINK TO THE PAST WITH LYRICS

 
Things were bad, I won't lie, you were you were all gonna die,
But you’re alive because… I kick ass!
So you’re welcome, I guess, either way I’m the best
I’m the Link, who’s the Link to the past…
 
There’s a bunch of Links
Each of us distinct
But I’m the best
 
I am number one
Look how fast I run
And I’m really fun
Guess I’m just blessed
 
Yes, I saved Light and Dark Worlds
Zelda too, and like six other girls
My quest was epic and long
As is my schlong
I bring bad guys to their knees
No, no, no, no…no autographs, please
I’m a gift, to you from the gods
I’m the shit! And quite fit! Just admit: You want my babies!
 
You’re like “wow! Sacre Bleu, we were deep in poo poo,
but Link showed up and voila, we were free”
You were lost, stuck in bed, you were basicAlly dead,
But you’re all alive because of me!
 
So you’re welcome, no prob, yeah I did a great job  
But I just did what you woulda done
That’s a joke, obviously! No, it had to be me
I’m the Link who’s the Link to the past…
And my wiener is vast
You’re all saved at last
… I KICK ASS.
 
18. BALLAD OF THE MAGES (FEAT. MEGA RAN & MADINTHEMOON)

Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUVI5ukXcRI
 
RED:
So here we are, three mages on a quest,
Of course there's a fourth but as you might have guessed
he doesn't understand what it is to be a mage,
but we're gonna tell you now, gonna open that cage, gonna let you in,
gonna turn the page in the book that is the story of our lives, the glory of a Fantasy, a Final Fantasy,  and if you wanna hear about it I'm the man to see
 
I am the red mage, I can do it all,
Both kinds of magic and swordplay too, y'all!
So many skills that it takes to be a hero
A jack of all trades but the master of zero
What am I great at? Nothin' I'm told, ya see I always get the bronze but never the gold
Well some day soon I hope to be best,
Just for a moment better than the rest!
 
Oh ho... my life is a tragic paradox, I said
Oh ho... I feel like a circle in a squarer box
Why am I afraid to choose a scepter or a blade?
I could focus on one, and son, I'd have it made
Until that day I'm just a man on a quest, but mark my words I'm gonna be the best!
 
WHITE:
Hey there, it's me. The team's only lady
I throw like a girl and I punch like a baby
so the guys in the party tend to take me for granted
This enchanted maid is a shade disenchanted...
"I am your equal," What a silly notion!
It's not about size, it's the motion in my potion
I don't ask much, just someone to say,
"Hey White Mage, good job today"
 
Maybe I don't have the strength to wield
An elven sword or a mythril shield
But my heart is strong, and my wand is too
So try to keep in mind, that without me you'd be so screwed
 
BLACK:
I'm the black mage, but I betcha knew that
Yellow eyes, my disguise, do you like my pointy hat?
I'm a master of the elements, but all that is irrelevant
I step into a room and I'm invariably the elephant
 
Not just a pyro, I'm also pretty smart
And the fire in my hands comes directly from my heart
 
When push comes to shove, I want friends, I want love
I want a bride-to-be, family, all of the above
And I'll be damned if I fail, 'cause wouldn't that be tragic
If I let you judge me by the color of my magic?
And even if you're prejudiced and wanna make a mess of this
You're gonna be incredulous I'll show you what a legend is!
 
I'm just a lowly black mage
Relegated to the backstage
There's so much I wish you knew
So that maybe you'd see I'm just like you
 
(ALL 3 MAGES REPEAT THEIR CHORUSES TOGETHER)
 
ALL:
Oohhh,
Laaah,
HEMMMMMMMMMM
 
19. METROID: FIGHT FOR LOVE (FEAT. ALYSHA UMPHRESS)
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBXdG4FZHoI
 
NOW THE LIGHT OF DAY IS BREAKING
DO THEY KNOW MY HEART IS ACHING?
EYES ARE COLD, FACE IS STERN TO
MASK THE FEARS THAT I MAY NOT RETURN
DON'T YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE ON MY MIND
AS I LEAVE MY HOME, LEAVING LOVE BEHIND
AND  NOW   IT'S TIME TO GO
NOW IT'S TIME TO FLY AWAY
IN THE SUIT AND ON THE SHIP
ANOTHER DEATH-DEFYING TRIP
I'M GONE BUT STILL MY HEART IS THERE WITH YOU...
 
DOWN, DOWN, INTO THE CAVE, TIME TO BE BRAVE, TIME TO BE STRONG,
CAN'T STOP MOVING, CHANGING, IMPROVING, AS I GO ALONG
FIGHT NOT FOR THE BOUNTY, FIGHT NOT FOR THE GLORY,
I FIGHT FOR LOVE!
I WON'T STOP TILL I HAVE SLAIN THE MOTHER BRAIN!
 
IF IT TAKES MY WHOLE LIFE, I'LL MAKE IT HOME, AND
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN... YOU ARE MY  HOME,  SO
HERE I  GO DO OR DIE TIME TO RUN, TIME TO FLY
WITH DEATH BELOW, AND HOPE ABOVE  
I DON'T FIGHT FOR GLORY, BUT FOR LOVE!
NO, I DON'T FIGHT FOR GLORY...
BUT I FIGHT! 
FOR! 
LOVE!
 
20. THE BIOSHOCK SONG
Original YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIwC9_VCZCY
 
Won'tcha come on down to Rapture, jam a needle in your arm
It'll slowly corrode your genetical code, but it's all part of the charm
So you're a gross abomination, but in time you're gonna be...
So glad ya came on down to the best little town at the bottom of the deep blue sea
 
Hop in a bathysphere, take in the atmosphere, it's like New York, but with more fish
This unholy demon spawn looks like Joan Rivers in the morning,
but down here she's quite a dish
 
Aquatic nightmare drones are known to freely roam
with little sisters who require their help
I mean to tell you plainly mister, if that thing there was my sister,
I'd believe I'd disown myself, mahhh!
 
So you're stuck awhile in Rapture, and politically it's ...tense?
Libertarians scream, it's an Ayn Rand wet dream, and brother I mean soakin'
I'm not even jokin'
Don'tcha know the locals love the lifestyle, watch 'em scale the walls with glee
They're glad they came on down to best little town at the bottom of the deep blue sea
 
Try out the U-invent, it doesn't cost a cent, you're gonna love to mix and match
Just steal some glue from evil red guy, and a screw from smelly dead guy,
and you've made some crap from scratch
 
And there's this Atlas Joe, right on your radio, and he'll give you helpful hints and such
I bet you'll do his bidding blindly if he utters "would you kindly," but ohhhh,
I've said too much
 
So, you get a bit of story and a horrid killing spree!
Because you came on down to best little town
You're tryin' not to drown in this creepy town,
It really takes the crown though it's the only town in the bottom of the deep blue sea,
Forget Atlantis, it's the best little town at the bottom of the deep blue...
Somewhere beyond the sea, they spell it R-A-P-T-U-R-E
© 2015 brentalfloss productions. Header photos by AnneMarie Fitzgerald and Sam Heldman.